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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

How I came to be

<vor has been asked of me. An editor at The Carletonian suggested that I explain how my existence on the staff came to be.

In normal situations, people would not question something like this. But, in case you weren’t aware, I do not actually go to Carleton. For the first few weeks of this year, I actually wondered if I was allowed to tell the readers that I am a fake Knight; as though my contributions to this paper were, for whatever reason, not valid or even allowed.

Then I remembered that I am the Ohio correspondent! How could anyone believe that a full time Carleton student is always so up to date with all of the happenings in Ohio? I’ll tell you why. I live here all the time. Shocking, I know. Except, of course, when I went to Italy for four months and met and fell in love with (Carletonian Editor-in-Chief) Devin Daugherty.

We realized our love for one another through a shared frustration with a class. That’s how all great love begins, right? We would sit across from each other, exchanging glances that conveyed our deep urge to become fussy and audibly complain. Sometimes our feet would touch under the table. Sure, we would both jerk them away and then make an awkward comment, but the love really was there.

Sometimes our teacher would make statements that neither of us agreed with so we would tag-team argue. It was a thing of beauty, really; like a Monet or Kim Kardashian. Our mutual hatred for being told what to do mixed with our lightning fast responses to each other’s zingers made for the perfect friendship.

One day I told her about the website I have set as my homepage. It is Everyday I would read one of its headlines to her and she thought the whole operation to be brilliant. posts all the latest news from Akron, Ohio as well as stories from around the state and even the country. A personal favorite story was about a man who was stabbed by a bird at a cockfight. That gem came from California, in case you were wondering. The beauty of is that it is exploitative without even trying – the headlines give enough hilarious description without a reader having to look at the article.

As soon as Devin realized my deep connection to the website, the state of Ohio and to her, I think she realized that she had to have me.

So now I “correspond” with you. It’s never really about Ohio, though, is it? Of course I could write about tires or the Great Lakes or, I don’t know, our depressing legion of professional sports teams. I already told you that LeBron James ruined my life, but I’m a northeastern Ohioan; we all share this sentiment.

I think it is most important to remember that my state is probably just like yours. Hell, my college life is probably just like yours. I am not sure if this element of “sameness” brings anyone ease or extreme paranoia about the routine of his or her life but, as those kids at East High School would say, “We’re all in this together.” And that’s kind of nice to think about, right? 

Not one for camaraderie? That’s ok, neither am I. Just don’t tell Devin.

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