The Omicron variant has stabbed through Carleton’s campus, piercing especially its dual hearts: Dixon and Dow. Every weekend, these two buildings housed roughly 1/3 of the campus population. Now, in the era of social distancing, their few remaining residents must cope with the loss of their sweaty, raving roommates. Upon the arrival back to campus, a small number of COVID-19 positive students did not report to their respective isolation locations; they have since been identified as residents of Dixon and Dow. Residents of neighboring townhouses have said that the “missing” students have been housed in the basements of both Dixon and Dow for what they refer to as “Phase One.” The housemates were seen coming back from town with copious amounts of Hamm’s, various fruit juices and multivitamin gummies. When asked about the large number of groceries, one resident simply stated, “Phase Two.” Later that evening, an anonymous email was randomly sent out to students titled “Phase Three.” The email advertised free COVID-19 booster shots, with the vaccination sites being Dixon House and Dow House. No further information was given other than the time. The ambiguous clinic turned out to be a small socialization effort held by the residents of Dixon and Dow. We obtained the “shot” and, upon investigation, discovered it contained various alcoholic drinks with a puree of gummy vitamins. The mixture also included a strain of the Omicron variant, rumored to have been collected in Phase One by the COVID-19 positive housemates. This endeavor did not go unnoticed, as the weekly COVID-19 cases reported by random surveillance testing decreased substantially, and we expect a gradual decline in campus cases over the next few weeks. We thank the residents of Dixon and Dow for their sense of innovation and selflessness and for finally restoring Carleton to its former glory.