It’s hard to watch Nobody Wants This without thinking about how much being single can suck — especially when Gracie Abram’s deluxe album comes out this week and you have no one to listen to it with. But this isn’t an article about solving that, the “single” status, because honestly, I haven’t figured it out myself. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s the point of this piece. It’s week five, halfway through the trimester, and people are starting to couple up. This week feels like a turning point, where some will choose to move forward and others will choose to move on. While that’s a topic in itself, I want to focus on those of us who aren’t on that path. At this point in the year, it can feel like we’re stuck, stagnant, watching others live their best lives while we can only observe from the LDC window. That feeling can become a prison — if you let it. Or, you can choose to push forward and embrace the beauty of being single.It’s a chance to focus on yourself and take steps each day toward becoming the best version of you — not waiting, but preparing for the person who’s out there, waiting for you and the person you’re becoming.

Let’s start by letting go of the word “loneliness.” One saying I live by is that bad habits breed more bad habits, and the same goes for negative thoughts. If we start thinking we’re lonely, it leads to thoughts that we’re not pretty enough, smart enough, or funny enough – which just isn’t true. The right person will love you for exactly who you are. Every time I return home to NYC, I’m reminded of how many people are out there – how many possibilities exist. On a small campus like this, it can feel like your world is ending when you haven’t found your person, but the truth is, you just haven’t met them yet.

We often associate loneliness with a lack of love, but we forget that love isn’t just romantic — it’s all around us. When you’re single and don’t have those same commitments, spend time with the people who do love you: your friends and family. Life is about building connections, so nurture them. Relationships, whether romantic or not, are about being there for others when they need you most. So make sure you’re there for them, too. Check in with your friends, show interest in their lives, and care about what they’re doing. Trust me, when you’re in a relationship, you’ll need some of them for advice. They are your rock, your guiding compass, the ones who will be there for you no matter what — and that is invaluable. Relationships with friends and family are as, if not more, important than romantic ones and can offer the connection we all crave. These relationships will be with you for a lifetime, and regardless of whether you have a partner,  so surround yourself with those who love you, because they do. 

Others love you, but it’s just as important to love yourself. There’s a certain freedom in being single, and it’s beautiful. It’s both calm and chaotic, because when you’re single, you have the power to improve yourself in any way you want – mentally, emotionally, or physically. Relationships aren’t about completing each other; they’re about complementing one another. True completeness comes from within, not from someone else. You after all are your first relationship, so treat yourself the way you would treat a partner. Ask yourself what you want to do, what your dream weekend looks like, and then take action. 

Many people put off doing things they enjoy or making big life moves because they’re waiting for a partner to share them with. I mentioned earlier the feeling of stagnation -– that sense of being stuck can lead to overthinking instead of pursuing your passions. Be spontaneous. Read that book at Little Joy on a Sunday morning. Go for that hike. Sign up for singing lessons – which was actually surprisingly easy for me to do at Carleton. We often hold ourselves back from doing things because we think we can’t do them alone. But if we don’t learn to enjoy life solo -– doing what we love and bettering ourselves each day – how can we expect to thrive in a relationship? To me, the most attractive quality in a person is when they’re being their true, authentic self.

Celebrate the present. So often, we forget to give ourselves love while searching for love. Yet, being single offers opportunities that deserve to be celebrated, not rushed through. This isn’t a period of waiting -– it’s a time for preparation and growth. We spend so much time imagining a life with someone, but forget that we can start building that life now. And, I hate to break it to you, actually, I love to break it to you, that person is coming. And It’s up to you what kind of person you’ll be when you’re standing in front of them.