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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Changes to Date Knight tradition to place couples in life-threatening situations

Katy Gilbertson November 8, 2019

This year, the Scholarly Antics Office (SAO) announced that in response to disappointing statistics on the number of couples Date Knight produces, the event would be slightly modified this year. Specifically:...

If Carleton College were a scented candle

Naomi Lopez November 8, 2019

Nothing sets the mood like a scented candle emitting its rich and sensual smell, casting everything in a soft light. While students are not allowed to have “open flames” in dorms, they can still lift...

Clues to the origin of life found in the Arb

Samara Kroeger October 31, 2019

Did you know that the Arb is home to evidence of early microbial life? A large ancient stromatolite is visible along Spring Creek in the Upper Arb. Stromatolites are microbial reefs created by the activity...

Soft Pretzel Love Sonnet

Marianne Gunnarsson October 31, 2019

Since my humble college start Thou hast twistèd love knots on my heart Those same whorls of dough of which thou art form’d, Of which my soul is too adorned, Puff like clouds from Bon App...

Anderson Light Fixture: Let There Be Light

Naomi Lopez October 31, 2019

Last year, the administration flooded student emails with queries about the Anderson Hall Light Fixture. The college higher ups, it seemed, were convinced that this light fixture was the most pressing...

What To Do With Wet Leaves: A Guide for Everybody!

Beck Woollen October 31, 2019

Most of the trees have shed their leaves, and many of those leaves have been rained on at least once. For some, wet leaves are a menace. For others, wet leaves are mother nature’s finest gift. It seems...

Geology department orders hit on DIVEST Carleton

Jack Brown October 31, 2019

Upon further review of the Panama Papers, it was revealed that the Carleton Geology department had contracted a hit on various members of DIVEST Carleton. The papers revealed that a few years ago, when...

Betsy DeVos

Betsy DeVos

Kenneth Laster October 25, 2019

Winner of this year’s Pumpkin Pageant Carving Contest. Spookiest in Show.

Human efforts beneath the natural look

Walt Li October 25, 2019

Before the snow starts to cover the ground, why don’t we go take a walk in this late fall, enjoying the fall leaves and golden prairie? While you are walking on the trails and taking in the nature,...

Halloween costumes you shouldn’t make sexy

Carsten Finholt October 25, 2019

Sexy Trader Joe’s Cashier Who am I kidding, is it even possible for this not to be a sexy costume? They’re just so caring, and attentive. You make small talk as they swipe your items, and for once...

Spooky New SHAC Locations

Jack Coyne October 25, 2019

Sick and tired of marching your way from Goodhue to SHAC? Upset that SHAC is so small? Frustrated that they’ve been shoved in the basement of Davis for decades? Well, we’re here to tell you that your...

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