Press "Enter" to skip to content

Carletonian ad

Congrats, you’ve been selected for a most prestigious position! This is your formal invitation — yes, you, the one not in the Carletonian — to join the Carletonian (insert dramatic fanfare and celebration here). No other club members are as celebrated and adored as those in the Carletonian, and now you can (will) join us! 

Some of the less gray-matter-endowed members of the student body may hesitate before accepting this wondrous offer. That’s okay;, we still love you, and we are here to help you. Below we have broken down the marvelous life of a Carletonian member and the opportunities that come along with such status into pieces more digestible for the simple-minded. Review at your leisure.

  1. Get a taste of the writing and editing process of a ~professional~ newsroom.
  2. Meet cool new people (potential friends yay!) and bask in our awesomeness.
  3. Be there when we spill all the oh-so-piping-hot tea at our pitch meetings.
  4. Play with fancy fonts during layout and design.
  5. Witness the whole array of functioning Expo markers: from plump juicy boi (a rarity but always welcome) to the capricious character of the common half-dead soldier. 
  6. We have no fewer than three (3) comfy chairs in our meeting room. Get there early to enjoy a cushy life of ease — or else get really good at perching on some slightly questionable surfaces (i.e. dresser, table, arm of a chair, friend’s lap, windowsill, bride-style in Aldo’s arms, etc.) Either way it’s a win-win.
  7. Handle all the beautiful, pristine newspapers fresh off the printing press before the common folk get their grubby hands on them.
  8. Gain several secret admirers as your published work makes students swoon.
  9. The crowds will part like the Red Sea wherever you go on campus in honor of your angelic aura which only increases with experience in the Carletonian. In essence, you will become a god amongst mortals.

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.