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Bald Spot Student Handbook: How to transfer

  1. Realize how unhappy you are: Let’s face it, Carleton sucks. If you’re dumb enough to stay here all four years, you end up working your ass off for a degree from a school no one has heard of. You also miss out on real college parties and have to inhale an aggressive mix of cow shit/turkey crap fumes. Also the food is absolutely intolerable.
  2. Become aware that it’s all Carleton’s Fault: you’re perfect, and Carleton College is the reason you can’t get laid. It’s not a pompous thing to say that you’re too good for this school, it’s just true. This place is awful.
  3. Choose the date that you would like to have your SEVIS record released:
    a) This day must be within 60 days of the end of your program at Carleton or the end of your OPT. You can end OPT early and transfer your record.
    b) You may no longer work once your SEVIS record has been released.
    c) Your Carleton I-20 will no longer be valid for re-entry to the U.S. once your record has been transferred.
  4. Choose a better school. There are plenty of superior options. One is trade school, where you can gain actually usable skills. Another is somewhere warmer; Cal Poly probably didn’t worry too hard about the polar vortex. Finally, somewhere with better name recognition, such as St. Olaf (which should be cheaper). Honestly there are a ton of schools that are easier to get into, give you more money in scholarship, and have a more tolerable student body. Go to a big school, you don’t have to show up to class, and people won’t say “Where’s that?” when you mention where you go to college.
  5. Provide copies of the following documents to OIL in person or via email to [email protected]:
    a) admissions letter to new school
    b) transfer form (preferred) or the contact information for the international student advisor at your new school
    c) SEVIS School Code for your new school
    d) your most recent I-94 record
  6. Enjoy! You have just made the best decision of your life. No more cold, no more obnoxiousness disguised as quirk, and best of all the frisbee kids at your new school will most likely know their goddam place.

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