While there are many issues that are currently impacting Carleton students, all of these problems pale in comparison to what is by far the number one source of grief for students at this time. Sayles has not had soft pretzels all term, and it is the biggest tragedy that no one is talking about.
Soft pretzels are by far the best late-night food at Sayles, and possibly the best overall thing on the menu. Chicken tenders and curly fries are both delicious, but they are not even close to as good as a pretzel. The soft, salty pretzel dipped in creamy cheese sauce or tangy honey mustard creates an orgasm of flavor in your mouth. Carleton student and pretzel enthusiast Liam Holloway-Bidwell ’20 expressed this feeling by saying, “a nice hot pretzel with one’s preference of dipping sauce is the cherry on top of a hard day.”
Whether you have been grinding in the Libe or are stumbling home drunk from Porch, there is no better way to end your day than with a soft pretzel.
Now, those delicious pretzels have been ripped away from us by the cold-hearted proprietors of Bon Appetit. It was bad enough when we had to wait until 6 p.m. to enjoy a pretzel, but now we have gone almost an entire term without a soft pretzel in sight. While Bon App claims it is an “oven issue,” I have seen no concerted effort on their part to fix the issue. Meanwhile, us students have been suffering greatly. Luke Webb is a student who has been especially impacted by the pretzel void, as he usually consumes an average of 30-40 pretzels a week. He has been deeply distraught since the pretzels left, stating, “nothing in my time at Carleton has had a worse impact on my mental, physical and emotional health.”
Despite the widespread anguish that students are experiencing from the lack of pretzels, there has been relatively little discourse about the issue on campus. Is this due to a large conspiracy by Bon App to suppress students’ voices and decrease our overall happiness? Almost certainly. This is why it is imperative that we band together and demand that we get what we rightfully deserve: hot, delicious soft pretzels.