In order to maintain peace and enforce Greek life–esque upperclassmen superiority, the Carleton College administration employs a system of “random” room draw lottery numbers to decide which students get to choose their rooms and in what order.
Here is my personal ranking of the top ten room draw numbers at Carleton.
Unbeknownst to most Carls, this number actually gives you the highest housing choice priority throughout the school. 0001 is given usually to seniors (or those of younger grades that cheat the system—but that rarely happens at Carleton).
Don’t confuse this with “to” or “too!” If you’re assigned this number and you confuse those you’re probably an idiot and don’t deserve this number. 0002 is reserved for those of the upper echelon of intellectual superiority within academia; it’s meant for those who don’t confuse those words; it’s meant for Carleton College students only and if you don’t fall into that category, you sure as hell don’t deserve this doubloon of a number.
This one is one more than 0002 and arguably worse, hence its placement below 0002 on this list. It is also the number of entities in the Holy Trinity (i.e. the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit), directly implying that those with room draw numbers ending in three have some sort of divine connection, and that the Lucky Carl Who Receives 0003 is a full-blown deity themselves.
Although this one will set you pretty far back within the rising senior class, you can still show off to peers with this fairly unique and pretty cool number. If you mention it to friends, they will undoubtedly know you know what marijuana is and, more importantly, that you might consume it here and there.
Within the Carleton social scene, most “coolness” and hierarchical superiority is determined by which student can solve a given math problem the fastest or, perhaps, who can make the quirkiest physics joke that 5 percent of those present understand.
But with this draw number, you can participate and build onto Carleton’s sparse counterculture, rendering you both a rebel and somebody who probably has a lot of sex.
This number is interesting because it has many uses within the American English lexicon. High-five is a good example. A high-five is when two people push their hands together quickly, producing a noise that resembles a loud snap—also known as a “clap.” One’s fingers may be splayed or held together; this does not usually affect the sound of the high-five. High-fives are usually performed after a significant event (usually a happy or exciting one—such as your favorite college football team, the Carleton Knights, beating those damn Concordia Cobbers in a pigskin match), or after, say, a student is assigned the room draw number 0005.
Those assigned 0005 (or those who receive numbers that end with five) have most likely witnessed a high-five before and probably understand the concept, at least on a basic level.
This draw number subtly references 69, which is, unbeknownst to most Carls, a popular sex position. The number has risen to fame in recent years at Carleton following Stevie P’s infamous themed freshmen move-in day speech, titled “Here Are Sixty-Nine Reasons (Wink) Carleton Is an Awesome School,” in which he notably declared his love for said dirty number and that the sole determinant in his ascension to Carleton President was a 69-related joke he made in one of his interviews.
Sixty-nine is an entire culture in itself—something your parents probably don’t know about—making it both a sick reference and a reason to sit next to the Carl who has that room draw number at lunch. Just be sure not to mention it in your third period gym class because Mr. Saunders is a total lamewad.
This room draw number (0007) is also the number of books in the Harry Potter series, which was penned by J. K. Rowling. If you are assigned this number, you are likely a quirky nerd and a senior and will probably be able to draw a desirable room (which is probably not in either Goodhue or Musser because those two dorms are GROSS! P.U., those stink. Burton is also a stinky icky gross dining hall. I want to live in Evans next year because I want to hotbox the entire building with the boys).
Rhymes with abate, ablate, abstrait, achate, affreight, aheight, airfreight, alate, allstate, amate, gate, arzate, attrait, au fait, avait, await, backdate, bank rate, bathgate, baud rate, bay state, belate, benlate, berate, birthrate, blind date, braccate, braithwaite, breakmate, breastplate, bromate, buccate, calaite, callate, carate, castrate, cerate, change state, charge plate, cheapskate, checkmate, chelate, cholate, ciate, porate, postdate, predate, prelate, primate, pro-rate, probate, prolate, prorate, prostate, punctate, quilate, quinate, rabate, rain date, ramate, rebate, refait, reflate, regrate, relate, remate, replait, replate, restate, retrait, retraite, roommate, rotate, rutate, sash weight, savate, schoolmate, seagate, sebate, sedate, serrate, shipmate, shoemate, shumate, siete, sigmate, slave state, sleep late, soul mate, soup plate, southgate, southstate, speedskate, speed skate, stagflate, stagnate, stalemate, stargate, steel plate, sublate, substrate, sucrate, sufflate, sulfate, sulphate, sumgait, sunstate, tailgate, tax rate, teammate, teate, testate, thecate, tin plate, tomate, to date, translate, tri-state, tristate, troy weight, truncate, uncate, uncrate, undate, ungrate, unplait, unstate, unweight, update, upstate, uvate, wall plate, westgate and wingate.
That’s pretty cool!
This draw number is one less than 0010 and Nicole Collins’ favorite number, therefore understandably placing it at number nine in the list of top ten room draw numbers at Carleton College, a small liberal arts college in Northfield, Minnesota.
Nine also rhymes with “nein,” the German word for “no.” Being assigned this number probably means you’re an unabashed polyglot who can’t say no to a bratwurst with some sauerkraut.
It definitely can’t get you a room in a dorm, but you can rock that West Gym crawlspace pretty hard.