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Carleton as a nation: What is your dorm?

What if Carleton was a country?

Ignoring the logistical problems that would entail, how would it play out? How would we talk about areas on campus if they were regions of a country? How would we talk about it in terms of promoting tourism or how politicians campaign there?

What if Carleton locations were states?

Goodhue: Goodhue is the troublesome and fiercely independent province of the Carleton republic. Due to distance and impassability, it developed a distinct identity and a close sense of community. Its strong sense of independence comes from a long and, at times, violent history of wars and rebellions which are ingrained into the province’s heritage. Children are still taught of the battle of 2nd Goodhue and the Fight for Lyman Bridge, where the brave forces fought against the central government.

It occupies a critical location, with the power to block access to the Rec and the Hill of Three Oaks. Though it is distant from the capital city of Sayles-Hill, this means it can exercise a degree of autonomy, though it feels isolated from the central decision making processes.

The province looks set to continue its record of voting for the Goodhue Independence Party, or GIP

Cassat: Cassat is the quirky, friendly, and tasteless nouveau riche part of the country. Developed artificially by the centralized government to impress foreign investors and provide a trophy neighborhood, Cassat is avoided by locals, who feel it lacks regional flavor.

Flashy and somewhat characterless, it has none of the shabbiness that defines other areas of the country. Words like sterile and dull often describe the place. You will often see it on ads for tourism, immigration, or investment into the country. Viewers of these ads can easily spot which shots were filmed in Cassat. They are the well off voters who support people who keep things as they are.

Memo: Never accepting their renaming to James in 2013, this is the old money state. Like Cassat, it is modern and renovated, but it is more reserved, the region’s inhabitants quiet demeanour and good taste stand in contrast to the boisterous energy of their younger, flashier neighbours. This is the kind of state that is friendly but dislikes invasive tourists or politicians.

Nourse: A distinctive and quirky state with its own set of traditions and customs. The kind of place that has legal weed yet bans Sunday shopping. Nourse likes it this way though. They rarely shout “Don’t Mess with Nourse,” but neither do they make apologies for their way of life. People try to win this state’s votes by appealing to Nourse pride, with very mixed results. Highly recommended for a visit, if only for the great theatre scene.

Burton: Burton is messy, loud and energetic, a representative of Carleton in all its complexity. Complete with its little quirks and oddities, many are confronted by it. Living along the noisy thoroughfares is not the favorite position for those who enjoy peace and quiet.

Electorally it is hard to predict, tending to swing at different elections, and it has even confounded expert pollsters on election night. But to win Carleton, you need to win Burton.

Sevy: Sevy is the quiet, tucked away, and wealthy area of Carleton. Very few know it exists, but there are rumors of its conveniently placed penthouses overlooking the complex. What actually goes on there is shrouded in rumour and mystery, the place of mythical smoke filled rooms where the power lies.

Watson: Watson is the rather drab and less interesting part of the country, it is the Osaka of Carleton. You’re surprised to see it on the population rankings when you consider how little anyone knows about it. It has a general air of grunginess and broken promises about it, built in a time when concrete slabs were the height of architecture. Political campaigns have used a mixture of optimism and promises to not let things get any worse.

Evans: Evans is undergoing a rapid shake up. The lay of the land has changed and so have the people, it has a busy night-life but an ever changing make up, defined by its lack of set identity. The central government revamped Evans in an attempt to stifle the rampant political dissent going on around the legendary Evans spiral staircase, and since then, its population has given way to capitalist pleasures.

Sayles: Sayles is where it’s at, baby. It’s the capital, the financial hub, Village Square. Although there is no residency, some people make it their home anyway, installing themselves on upper couches. Although there is no offices, people work there, although there are no bars, there are plenty of drunks. Tourists go through there all the time while campaigns table there and exchange candy for additions to email lists.

Parish: Parish is nice, and surprisingly less well known. There is a traditional Carleton adage “Junior year in Parish”, a forlorn hope to spend their final years there. It is rather quiet and somewhat remote, and they vote for parties that respect that. Sort of like the retirement community of Carleton, only with more progressive stops.

Musser: Musser is the 1970s suburban home that also functions as a grungy nightclub. But that is not to disparage it, there are lovely people there and it does have a sense of community. For any tourist, the highlight will be the riverside view. For politicians, offering to replace the signs on the toilets is a good bet.

Myers: Myers is the Jersey shore of Carleton. There are some nice people and places, but it can’t shake the reputation it has for itself of drunken shenanigans and parties. It can be hard to get to know people from Myers over the loud music emanating from various parties. People come from there and talk about their humble routes from Myers when they campaign, yet no one wants to go there.

The Arb: The great wood in the past was the country’s shield from invaders, or for dubious activities. It still is seen for activities from smuggling to weapons testing, but it is also a place for exploring and escape from everything. If you can manage the wilderness, it is a must.

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