Students across Carleton’s campus report a vague sense of unease at the spherical, nice smelling White Things popping up on trees across campus.
“It’s been winter for so long, is this, like, normal…?” said one student who asked not to be named. “Are the trees going through puberty or something? I fear the unknown.”
An expert from St. Olaf, a college with a long history of dealing with pasty white life forms native to Minnesota, is reportedly meeting with college president Stevie P on Friday to discuss this strange and possibly menacing development in Carleton horticulture.
The biology department is in the early stages of requesting funding to research the White Things, and a research is expected to be published in five to ten years.
The administration added that they hope that “all this this horticultural gobbledygook will distract the kids from that divestment nonsense.”