When most colleges and universities deal with issues of infestation, it typically comes in the rodent and insect form. For Carleton, however, this infestation takes the form of make-shift cots around the bald spot that make the students “too happy” as an anonymous dean said. 

Carleton’s new head of pest control, Xavier Terme-Nader, says that he’s appalled by the situation. “There’s too many frisbees and hammocks around here,” said Terme-Nader. “I’ve never seen such a problem. Sure, you get the occasional problem at other schools like Bates and Pitzer, but nothing compared to this.” 

Carleton has historically been wary of too many hammocks around campus. As a Carletonian viewpoint said in 2020, “nobody should be that relaxed.” 

Carleton’s campus isn’t unfamiliar with the problem of hammock infestations. Norm Hull ’25, who was abroad for the last two Spring Terms due to a severe allergy to sunshine, says that he recalls his freshman Spring Term being full of them. “I think this happens every year,” said Hull. “One minute you’re walking to your 1a, the next you’re tripping over a hammock that some CANOE resident left in the middle of nowhere. It really becomes a problem.” 

Many students have started to refer to this infestation by various nicknames. “Crunch-mageddon has been super popular, mainly because of how crunchy and granola a lot of this seems to be,” said Olive Pheat ’27, a member of one of Carleton’s frisbee teams and a CANOE resident. “I think granola palooza has also been mentioned, but it hasn’t caught the same steam.” 

The college has issued several warnings to students to be aware of their surroundings. In a letter to the campus, President Alison Byerly told students to “be advised of your friends ditching your weekly dinner plans to instead lay around in their hammocks.” 

Not all are greeting this infestation with anxiety, however. A student, who refused to give their name to the “lame stream media,” told the Carletonian that “nobody is hurt by a few more hammocks, it’s just the school trying to raise the meal plan price again.” When the Carletonian asked the student to elaborate on the connection, the student confidently and assuredly responded “no.”